If you want to look like a possible crazy person while you walk down the street, I highly recommend plugging in Patton Oswalt's stand-up album 'Finest Hour' into your mp3 player. Luckily I had on my big head-phones as I was out in public while almost doubling over in laughter (that is not an exaggeration as I am often prone to). Hopefully people realized that I was listening to something immensely humorous and not just completely lost my mind.

I like this ship! You know, it's exciting!

I was going to excitedly write about how the new Star Trek movie started principal photography today. I was mistaken though, they didn't start shooting today, they started on Saturday! That means that J.J. has been directing cast and crew to do awesome things for three whole days!

A couple years ago I was fairly disinterested in what at the time was being portrayed as a Star Trek reboot. It was dark Star Trek times for me. I was pretty much a life-time fan of the franchise, and was coming off of hating the last two feature films and the last two tv series. I usually have no problem with remakes or reboots. I think that the more recent Ocean's 11 and True Grit are much better than their cinematic predecessors. And, John Carpenter's version of The Thing (also not an original) is one of my favorite movies of all time. The thought of someone other that William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy and DeForest Kelley playing Kirk, Spock and Bones was quite unappealing to me. I found it disappointing that J.J. Abrams had to remake instead of just tell some new tales from the Star Trek universe.

When making a new movie featuring classic characters, I don't think an actor change is distracting if the character existed before the actor. Batman isn't Christian Bale. Dracula isn't Gary Oldman. Zorro isn't Antonio Banderas. James Bond isn't Daniel Craig. William Shatner on the other hand is Captain Kirk. Leonard Nimoy is Spock, DeForest Kelley is Bones. Seeing a bunch of young punks re-telling their adventures seemed boring to me. The first turning away from hate came with the news that Simon Peg was cast as Scotty. Turning away from hate part 2 came with announcement that Leonard Nimoy was going to make an appearance.

Then, having read a bit about the film and knowing that J.J. and company love a good alternate universe story (they even ended the teen soap opera Felicity with an alternate universe story arc!), I had a feeling that something better than a remake might be happening. And something better happened indeed. They decided to instead tell the earlier stories of the beloved sci-fi characters thanks to an alternate universe twist to the tale. Genius! Now they could do whatever they want to the characters and the universe without being stuck within the confines of a prequel. While at the same time not destroying the old universe and hence not pissing off fans of the classic series and films.

I went to see the movie, and was shockingly sufficiently impressed and blown away before the opening title even showed up on the screen. The prologue alone ended up being so impressive to me that I thought it might be hard for the rest of the movie to live up to the first handful of minutes. J.J.'s Trek effort ended up being one of my favorite movies of the year.

When J.J. goes and does other movies that I think are pretty great like Super 8 or Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, I now get a little sad that he doesn't just devote all of his time and effort to Trekkyness. So I just sit by and cross my fingers and hope that he puts a Gorn or some Tribbles in the new movie and count down the days to May 2013.

The ghost with the most

Monday January 16th at 7pm, only at the Mayfair Theatre...Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

I love Beetlejuice, Tim Burton, Michael Keaton and Batman. So I don't mean this in a negative way to towards their talent or those two films. But every time I see or discuss Tim Burton's classic film featuring a virtuoso performance from Michael Keaton in the titular role, I can't help but ponder in wonder at how Warner Bros looked at these two guys and thought; "Yes. We need a director and star for Batman. Our giant budgeted epic summer blockbuster potential of a movie is perfect for these two guys." I am happy they got the gig, and I guess it's no weirder than the guy who did Evil Dead II getting to direct Spider-man, yet it still astounds me a lil'.

Then I'll see you in hell!

There's this nifty lil' geek website titled Star Wars Weather that let's you know what planet from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away your city is most like in terms of weather forecast.

My city is most like Hoth at the moment. This many degrees below zero levels of freezing cold is nothing new of course, meaning that my friends and I have for years joked about cutting one another open with a lightsabre in order to make use of each other in a life saving warming Tauntaun sleeping-bag fashion. That tasteless geek humour is of course then followed up by the statement "...and I thought he smelled bad...on the outside!". I also recently found out that there actually exists a Tauntaun sleeping-bag which one can purchase.

So, in conclusion...it is cold in Ottawa and I'll be yer best friend if you buy me a Tauntaun sleeping-bag.

Some time in the not so distant past, the Mayfair played movies more along the lines of the titles as seen on the marquee in the photo above. In the 1970's, for I'm not exactly sure how long, the theatre was home to such films the caliber of Bed Bunnies and The Dirty Dolls. Ever since seeing that picture it's something that comes to mind every once and a while when I'm at the theatre, especially when we're showing family fare like How to Train Your Dragon or Winnie the Pooh.

Next month a night of short films somewhat akin to the adult fare shown back then returns to the Mayfair with the 4th annual Painted Lips and Lolly Licks festival. Today I finally ironed out and typed up the story outline that I'll be using for the short that I'll be at the last minute cobbling together with a few of my frequent collaborators. In true writer fashion it was a day of being distracted with watching David Letterman and 30 Rock, reading comics and general procrastination before getting the handful of pages out of my brain and into the laptop. Plans are to shoot on the 24th of January, which gives me ten days to get ready and a week and a half or so to edit it all together into it's final screenable product.

Keep an eye out around various Mayfair online places for further info on the line-up. And if you're free on the 10th of February, join us at either Mayfair (simultaneous screenings) for an evening of legitimate cinematic erotica...not porn, very classy stuff.

Everything that I need

My earliest memory (I'm pretty sure) is watching the opening credits of The Muppet Show on a lil' black & white TV. My favorite song ever written for a movie is probably Rainbow Connection from the original Muppet movie. I love Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, and Muppets Tonight and every time I see a picture or interview or behind the scenes footage of Jim Henson I get a bit choked up and sad that his life and career was cut so short.

Today I finally got around to seeing the new Disney produced Muppets come-back film simply titled 'The Muppets'. Ventured out to the wilds of Orleans to visit the Mayfair's sister theatre, since there's a chance that Disney won't let us play the movie at Mayfair Prime. I was pretty sure that I was going to love it, and it was not so surprising that I spent the whole damn movie on the verge of over-the-top weepy sentimental emotional wreck tears. I saw Jason Segal on Craig Ferguson's Late Late Show discussing that he did a bunch of interviews for the film along-side none other than Kermit himself. And that one interviewer had a joyful overwhelming tearful break-down upon meeting Kermit and that they all hugged and cried due to the power of the Muppets. That woulda' been me too if I had been there. Crying and hugging Jason Segal, a journalist and Kermit.

If there is any sense of judging true talent and greatness from those folks who run the Oscars, The Muppets should get at least three nominations for best song. I can't stop humming the title-track, and I do not mind. I want to see The Muppets and some of their human friends performing live at the Academy Awards ceremony.

The plot of the movie, which is not the biggest of a stretch for a movie involving Muppets, is that they have to put on a show to try and raise money to save their theatre. My dream is that the success of the movie instigates the actual Muppet Show's return to television. Then I can sit in the comfort of my own home singing along with my favorite felt characters and crying joyfully.

One! Two! Three! Four!

I'm worn out and famished and typing like Frankenstein's Monster...which can only mean one thing of course. Today got some more work done on the geekiest tattoo sleeve in all the land! Luckily my friend and frequent tattoo getting chaperone accompanied me and we were able to distract each other with such high-brow and important levels of conversation topics like who should play Batman after cookie monster voiced Christian Bale Bat-retires after Dark Knight II (or Batman Begins III, whatever it's called, it's confusing).

The main bit of inking I got done today looks something like that Scott Pilgrim drawing as displayed above this text here. I would regale you with more exciting stories of permanently scarring my body with pretty pictures, but getting tattooing done makes me tired and starving and typing hurts my arm. So it's off to the couch and snack eating and movie watching for me!

Adult Entertainment

Should have spent today working on the script and other pre-production stuff for my short film entry into this years Painted Lips and Lolly Licks Festival. In true writer / filmmaker form though procrastination and distraction kept me away from the sexy cinema making task at hand. I got a free pass to the art gallery that I had a small window of time to make use of, plus a little bit of grocery shopping, some dog walking, tattoo research and a then couple of Bond movies tonight at the Mayfair, and next thing you know the day is done.

Tomorrow and Thursday I will finish up some writing, look into locations and try and get some actors figured out. If anyone is interested in submitting something or would like further info, check out the website listed in the picture above. Deadline is for submissions is February 3rd, which inevitably means that I will be handing over my finished product to Lee (my Mayfair partner who's organizing the event again this year) somewhere around the evening of February 3rd.

I know you are but what am I?

Tonight at 7pm Lost Marbles presents maybe the most requested movie in modern Mayfair times. Pee Wee undertakes his grand quest in hopes of getting back his precious bike in his self titled Big Adventure. If you can't make it tonight, you have a second chance Saturday afternoon (and if you like Pee Wee, very likely you'll want to stick around and watch Beetlejuice too).

I got the Blu-Ray of The Pee Wee Herman Show on Broadway for Christmas, and upon watching and greatly enjoying that, I'm even more enthused about tonight's screening of this 80's masterpiece. If you are not interested in seeing Pee Wee Herman, you may have to revoke your Mayfair membership card and go to the multiplex and watch something more to your taste like Transformers 3.

One of my unofficial New Years resolutions for 2010 was to stay the hell away from the library. This was not meant as an anti-book depository stance, or to begrudge the fine institution that supplies free reading material to one and all. The resolution came to be because every time I went into one of our fine libraries in Ottawa, especially the main downtown branch, I would walk out with a stack of comic books and movies. Libraries have a long association with nerds, but somewhere along the line in the recent past, clearly some geeks started working there in a place of power as well. The place went on to have a better and more diverse selection of comics than a comic store or Chapters, with the added plus that the thins were free to read! There were genres ranging from mainstream and most identified sect of the super-hero tale, there was manga, kids friendly stories, biographies, foreign books, weird underground stuff...everything you could ever want no matter what sort of comic eek you might be. And on top of that, the extra distraction of a damn fine selection of movies that could be taken out on the free as well.

In an attempt to catch up on the dozens and dozens of books filling the shelves of my apartment going neglected and unread, I put a ban on myself going into libraries. I'm not sure if the experiment worked, because I continued to read voraciously in a non-library like manner, yet there are still a ton of books around my living quarters. And now the year long avoidance has come to an end thanks to a long ago museum pass becoming available (it was ordered before I went into hiding from the library). I went to pick up the pass, and next thing you know I was standing in the comic book aisle with a volume of The Complete Peanuts in my hands that I had not read yet. I've been making my way through the volumes the last couple years (back in my library hey-day), and as it claims on the cover of the books, it is indeed a masterpiece.

So, Grant Morrison autobiography, zombie anthologies, Bone spin-off, Marvel collections, Stephen King stuff, drawer full of 50 cent bin comics...for now you will all have to wait. 'Cause right now I have three volumes (or six years) of Peanuts books to read.

Red for TMNT

A couple years back co-creator & copyright holder Peter Laird decided that he was done with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He sold them off to Nickelodeon, and put an end to Mirage Comics publishing. Having been reading every single issue of the black & white / all red head-bands original incarnation of the characters, this of course made me sad.

I figured the next re-booting of the characters would be more stuff along the lines of the rainbow coloured headbands Archie Comics / Saturday morning cartoon kind of stuff. Hence, when IDW announced that they would be starting up their own re-imagining of the series and the pictures released featured red head-bands all the way around, I was excited. The fact that IDW had co-creator Kevin Eastman was returning to the world of TMNT had me even more intrigued. I thought it was a great tip of the hat to the legacy of these characters that they were being portrayed in their original style. I never liked the rainbow coloured versions of my beloved characters. Mainly due to the fact that I know the colour change didn't happen for any kind of thematic reasoning. It happened because the toy company was worried about kids telling the characters apart, and they wanted to be sure that they could sell four action figures to kids (they eventually had such classy figures as TMNT in clown outfits). I was always able to tell the characters apart, even in a world where most the stories I read with them in it were published in black and white. I really liked the first live action movie, but I always thought if I were rich and mad with power that I'd take that film and frame-by-frame re-colour it to an all red head-band cinematic offering.

It just wasn't meant to be though. I saw an add for an upcoming issue in which Turtles with rainbow coloured were featured. Then, as I flipped the page of issue #5 of the current incarnation, my heart sank as Splinter handed out new more colourful head-bands to his sons. I can't stand reading stories in which my beloved Turtles aren't all wearing red head-bands. Just makes me think of selling out and betrayal of story in favour of profit. So I cancelled my subscription. A sad geeky state to be in indeed. Well, it means that my comic book purchasing budget remains even though, with Brian K Vaughn's new comic Saga on the horizon.

When I eventually get my TMNT tattoo at least I'll be able to always look at my arm and think of happier geeky TMNT times.

A (cult)ured Mayfair

(cult)ure magazine presents the monthly tradition in journalistic excellence that is the This Month at the Mayfair article. Learn all about machine gun preachers, Crispin Glover dropping by, James Bond in outer space, the secret lyrics to every Danny Elfman film score, how Ilsa the She Wolf is more inspirational than Norma Rae, and our pitch to Hollywood for a movie about aliens fighting Shakespeare starring Will Smith and Jean Claude Van Damme.

Cue 007 theme

Spent portions of the last couple days finalizing a bit of crossover stuff between the NAC and the Mayfair for our respective James Bond events. We have our 4th annual 007 fest starting this Sunday January 8th at 1pm with Goldfiner, and the NAC has their orchestra performing an event titled Bond and Beyond from January 19th through the 21st. We'll be screening eight classic Bond films, they'll be hosting a night of musical themes from the Bond films and other similarly themed film and television productions the likes of Mission: Impossible and The Pink Panther. Best of all is that by complete coincidence, both events avoid falling over each other on the calendar. You can catch every single film and enjoy a night out at the orchestra and get your complete James Bond fix in January. All of this should help all Bond fans in their inpatient anticipation for the new film Skyfall, set to be released November 2012.

A Perfect Storm?

Tonight and tomorrow at 9pm at the Mayfair (Wednesday January 4th & Thursday the 5th) are your last couple of chances to catch one of the best films of 2011 (maybe the best film?). Take Shelter tells the tale of a simple man with a happy if not stress filled family life (long hours at work, bills to pay, and an adorable little daughter with hearing problems who they hope to get an operation for). Our hero begins having frightening visions of an oncoming apocalyptic storm that leads to even more horrifying events than the average destructive tornado filled thunderstorm does. That mixed with his obsession of building a backyard bomb-shelter in light of the oncoming storm which he believes to be on the horizon throws his life into turmoil. The film reminded me of a great Richard Matheson story. It was horror film from a certain point-of-view, not a Friday the 13th or Saw movie style of horror, but horrific in a fascinating way none-the-less.

That's about all that I want to say about the film. I'm always hesitant to play spoiler, I don't like reading reviews a lot of the time just for that very reason. I avoid trailers half the time just in case they're one of those horrible ones that give away the whole damn movie in a three minute time-frame (I think Ides of March was guilty of that).

Having said that, I did love this movie and do want to spread the word about it's existence in any little means that I can. Especially to let Ottawa folks know that they can catch it for the next couple of days in all of its big screen glory.

I haven't had a spare moment to figure out my favorite movies of 2011 list, but the more that I think about it the more I think that this one might be at the top (though I haven't seen The Muppets yet, and I do love those Muppets).

Went to a big family hockey game outing last night. A post Christmas gathering, something that I got to attend on the free, and even though I admittedly care very little about the ins and outs of the sport of hockey anymore, a very fun event none-the-less. The team came back from a 2 - 0 deficit, and the captain scored in over-time to secure the win (on a night in which he was praised for recently scoring his 400th career goal).

The Senators were playing the Devils of New Jersey. Every time that team crosses my thoughts, all that I can think of is how awful their logo is. It would be so much cooler if they had a logo to match the monster that haunts the Pine Barrens of the teams State in which they are named after. Instead of a fairly basic NJ with horns, a ferocious horse bat amalgam would make a much more appropriate design for their uniforms. Or so thinks a fan of cryptozoology with a penchant for believing in monsters whose mind wanders whilst watching Canada's favorite sport.

Year of the Joss

I was out at a New Year's party on Saturday night, and as the stroke of midnight hit everyone cheered in an appropriate manner. With my girlfriend in my arms, I looked her in the eyes and told her that I was so happy and and so lucky and so excited...to be in the same calendar year in which there will be not one but two Joss Whedon films released. Luckily for me, she threw her head back and laughed instead of punching me.

In my defense, I've been waiting to see The Cabin in the Woods for so long! An Eternity! Or, something more along the lines of three / three and a half years, more or less of an eternity. I was ecstatic to read about the film when it was about to go into production back in 2009, and I was heartbroken when Hollywood fat-cat idiots decided to push back the February 2010 release so they could change it into a 3D presentation. Yet another reason to add to the checklist of reasons to hate the current 3D fad. Then, thanks to MGM inexplicably going bankrupt, the complete and ready to go movie was shelved. I'm still confused as to how a film studio that has decades of Bond profits amongst other successes goes bankrupt. I have no money, but I'm not bankrupt, how are they bankrupt?

Luckily for comic geeks, Buffy fans and horror film aficionados, Lionsgate has heroically swept in and the over two years lost movie will finally hit theatres in April. In another twist to the Cabin in the Woods saga, after co-writing and producing the film, the next gig that Joss got was to direct and write the epic Marvel Comics super-team movie, The Avengers. That film stars Chris Hemsworth as Thor, who before finding success in that role, starred in the unreleased Cabin in the Woods.

Then yesterday I remembered something even more fantastic. There's not two Joss movies coming out in 2012, there's THREE! I forgot that there's also the independently produced adaptation of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing which Joss is writing and directing. And Nathan Fillion is starring in the damn thing! Good times ahead in 2012 indeed. I will of course do everything in my power to get these movies up onto the Mayfair screen.

I hope that you are as easily kept content as I am with my cinematic anticipations, and that you are as equally looking forward to the year ahead.

2012...The Future!

2012 seems like such a sci-fi future of a year. The far distant futuristic utopian year of 2012! Like that years ago people thought by now we'd have jet-packs and maid robots and virtual reality rooms. Instead we have moving sidewalks in airports, Frisbee sized automatic vacuum cleaners, and the Nintendo Wii. So, close enough I guess. My new year's resolution is to blog once a day. Let's see if I can pull that off. Let the 2012 blogging marathon begin!

I can't believe it's already the end of 2011. Here's to a happy 2012 for one and all, and a big fingers crossed that it isn't actually the year that the end times hits us. I have a pretty good feeling that we'll all be fine, and our lil' planet will still be in one piece a year from now.

Boxes for all!

My couch is filled with a ridiculous amount of clean laundry, gifts and a couple of board games to put back up on the shelf. Boxing Day is approaching it's end. I'm back home and another Christmas has come and gone. Time flew by again, as it always does for one and all. Didn't get to watch the amount of Christmas programming that I had hoped, didn't get to read as many Christmas stories as I had planned, but I did eat 50 pounds of cashews and ten dozen macaroons and a whole bunch of dinosaur shaped gingerbread cookies. I'm kinda' tired, kinda' feel like I don't have to eat again for a couple weeks, and very happy to be back able to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Then I will wake up tomorrow and go in for a shift at the Mayfair. If you are still on your holidays, and possibly with a kid or two to entertain, you should come in too. We'll be showing the original Muppet movie (Tuesday December 27th at 1pm). And if you haven't experience Kermit singing Rainbow Connection up on the big screen, amongst other great movie moments in the film, well then you my friend are missing out. Then you can come back in a couple days and see the follow up, The Great Muppet Caper (Thursday December 29th at 1pm). Both an excellent lead in to the brand new Muppet film, which will be up on the Mayfair screen before you know it.

X-Mas!!

Remember that time Optimus Prime dressed up like Santa Claus and delivered toys to all the good little boys and girls? Good times, good times. Hope those of you who celebrate the putting of a tree in your living room and then sitting around it and opening boxes wrapped in brightly coloured paper to get gifts had a lovely morning. I was awoken by a rat terrier barreling down the stairs to where I slept on the floor on an air mattress and jumping me awake. She might as well have been screaming "It's Christmas!". Santa was good to me, got a giant stack of Christmas themed comics, a bunch of Blu Rays (Rocketeer, Three Amigos, Gremlins, Pee Wee on Broadway) and an insane amount of vegan approved candy. And, for the first time in forever, it's actually a snowy white Christmas outside. Take that Al Gore and your precious global warming conspiracies! If only I had gotten the life size Han in Carbonite, all my Christmas dreams would have come true. Maybe next year.

Happy Everything!!

The great human distress that was a week and a half without the interwebs is over. I know that there are greater hardships that a person can go through, but I don't think there are that many in this day and age. If I didn't have one of them there smart phones, I really would have been at a complete loss to maintain anything in the way of productive and sane member of society status. I have no idea how the world worked without the worldwide web. I lived in that world for more of my life than not, but I think I've blanked it out like someone who survived some terrible accident.

It's been a busy time of year, as I'm pretty sure it is for everyone, whether you lean towards Christmas celebrations or not. There have been many a Christmas party, social events, work and then the scrambling of trying to buy gifts and prepare for attempts at a couple days of not doing anything except receive gifts and eat food. Went to see a very kewl rendition of a pair of old The Shadow radio plays at the Gladstone Theatre, which was a nice combination of geeky, festive AND legitimate theatre!

Got an invite to attend a free hockey game. I don't follow the game at all anymore, haven't for a while, but I do enjoy free things. Plus, it was not only free but also in a corporate box, so I got to pretend to be rich for the evening. Pretend to be rich, but still not buy the $5 cans of Coke. While there, one of my friends classmates (it was a graduation thing) started moaning and complaining about the Sens wishing everyone a Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Whenever someone bitches about the war on Christmas, all I want to do is wish them a Happy Holidays. Or pretend that I'm Jewish and offended just to mess with them. Or remind them that they are being idiots and a wish of Happy Holidays is not meant as an insult, but as a nice thing to say to one and all no matter what religious belief, nationality, choice of holiday pass-time or whatever. If you have time to fool yourself that Christmas is being harmed by the onslaught of different holidays this time of year, you are a fool. Weigh the amount of Christmas movies, TV shows, albums, decorations vs say...Hanukkah or Kwanza or anything.

Secret Santa at the Mayfair this year got me a Gizmo action figure (last year I got an R2D2 thingy, the year before an Indiana Jones costumed Mister Potato Head). I had a couple different secret screenings at the Mayfair (I've said too much!). Been prepping for 2012 at the Mayfair, which is not only the year the world will come to an end according to some, but also the theatres big 80th anniversary. January kicks off with a visit from Crispin Glover, who will host two nights of eccentric film and other media. We'll also screen two of the most requested movies since Mayfair rebooted: Beetlejuice and Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and of course a screening of Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th.

Anyhow, for now I must return to Christmas prepping. Hope everyone has a Happy everything.

Don't forget the three rules...

A couple years ago my brother and I, along with his girlfriend of the time, were spending our Christmas Eve gorging ourselves on food and watching a Christmas classic film at my mums house. The Christmas classic was Gremlins. My brothers now ex-girlfriend wasn't a giant movie buff, and hence wasn't familiar with the movie. When we said we were going to watch a Christmas movie, she had something in mind more along the line of something like Miracle on 34th Street or It's A Wonderful Life. She did not expect a film in which a mother defends her home against mischievous little bipedal reptilian monsters with weapons of knives and a microwave. She got quite upset with us in our definition of what a Christmas film is.

Gremlins takes place at Christmas time. The Hollywood back-lot town where the film is located is covered in a blanket of wonderfully fake movie-magic snow. There's Christmas trees and Christmas carols and we all learn a valuable Christmas lesson. It's as much of a Christmas film as A Nightmare Before Christmas, Christmas Vacation, White Christmas or any numerous versions of A Christmas Carol. I daresay it is the favorite Christmas film of many a people. It's certainly right near the top of the list of requested films from Mayfair patrons over the last few years.

Gremlins was executive produced by Steven Spielberg, written by Chris Columbus (who went on to write The Goonies and Young Sherlock Holmes for Spielberg, and direct a couple of Home Alone & Harry Potter movies), directed by Joe Dante (The Howling, The 'burbs, Matinee) and features an amazing score and an unforgettable theme song from the late great Jerry Goldsmith (L.A. Confidential, Poltergeist, Chinatown, a ton of Star Trek stuff).

And, have you ever wanted to have your very own Mogwai as a pet? Well, tonight you have two chances to win one of the fluffy little creatures thanks to our friends from Lost Marbles. If you win one though, please do remember the three rules: Keep it out of the light, don't get it wet, and no food after midnight. Very important.

Lost Marbles presents GREMLINS at the Mayfair Theatre - Monday December 12th at 8:30pm

Mayfair Best of Christmas Worst

At #78 on the IMDb worst movies of all time list sits a little holiday gem titled Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. There are tens of thousands of movies made in the past century and a bit, and a mere 77 places away from what has been deemed the worst film ever made by humans sits a movie about Santa being kidnapped my Martians so their lil' alien children can get gifts too. If that's not accolade enough for a motion picture, it also can take pride in being a film roasted by the award winning, bad movie watching geniuses at Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Some twenty years ago in the far off time of 1991, Joel and his robot friends Crow and Tom Servo were forced by their mad scientist tormentors to endure this most stunningly awful of holiday treats. Amongst other bits of hilarity, the episode gains legendary status amongst fans for containing Crow's heartfelt musical rendition of "A Patrick Swayze Christmas".

Some people don't have an appreciation of bad movies. They don't spend their free time watching films about the Sharktopus or non-sequels to Troll or anything starring Nicolas Cage from the past ten or fifteen years or so. Those people are sane and wise and we can learn from them. Film fans like myself actually go out of our way waste our precious limited time on this earth to watch bad movies of our own knowing free will. Not quite sure why we do such foolish things, but I cannot lie about how much I do enjoy a good bad movie.

Hence, despite it being terrible, I encourage you to get out to the Mayfair for a truly great awful movie experience. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians tonight (Friday December 9th at 11:30pm) and returns for a slightly earlier encore screening on Sunday (December 11th at 9:30pm).

Mayfair Christmas-ing Begins

Two posts in a row with a Christmas Carol theme.

The festive Mayfair season kicks off with Scrooged, a modern retelling of the greatest yuletide tale of all, A Christmas Carol. A 1980's version of the Charles Dickens literary masterpiece starring Bill Murray in the central role of a man who loses his soul amongst the greed and power of success. As in every version of the story ever re-imagined, the scrooge of a character is visited by ghosts of the past, present and future as the spirits attempt to teach him a valuable lesson about not being a jerk to everybody all the time.

The film features the talents of Richard Donner (the director of Superman, Goonies and Lethal Weapon), Michael Chapman (cinematographer of Taxi Driver, Raging Bull AND Space Jam!) and the musical score styling of frequent Tim Burton collaborator Danny Elfman.

As with many of the X-Mas-y themed movies we're showing in December, my harsh criticism of you if you don't like it is that you are dead inside. This thought does of course go against my view that movies are a subjective and not objective. It's a little course on my part mayhaps, but if Scrooged doesn't fill the most bah-humbug of human being with wonderful joy filled holiday feelings, there might be something wrong with you.

See Scrooged tonight (Monday December 5th at 9:30pm) at the Mayfair, and if you miss that you have a matinee second chance (Sunday December 11th at 1pm).

More (cult)ure magazine & the Mayfair

Happy December! I blinked and realized that it's been over a couple weeks since my last posting here. I totally dropped the ball on writing about the last RVRG roller derby bout, various Mayfair things, my latest horribly painful round of tattooing, and that I finally finished reading all the premier issues of DC Comics New 52 (Favorite: Action Comics - Worst: Hawk & Dove). I'm also working on some new comic book writings and contemplating what to do for the 2012 Painted Lips & Lolly Licks short film festival.


Well, a new month brings a new interview from (cult)ure magazine movie nerd April Yorke with myself, the resident Mayfair Theatre geek-in-chief.


This month we talk about the various awesome Christmas themed films we'll be screening, ranging from family favorites like Elf, 80's classics like Die Hard and Gremlins, and cult horror classics like Silent Night Deadly Night. I also may have been somewhat quoted as calling Disney monsters. I don't actually think that they're monsters of course, especially since PIXAR took the reigns and started fixing everything there. I'm just continually upset that they don't let their older films out of those pesky Disney vaults for repertory cinemas to play. Michael Caine is my favorite actor, Christmas Carol my favorite story, and watching the Muppet Show is perhaps my earliest memory. Hence, I'm a little upset that we can't show Muppet Christmas Carol. On the off chance that anyone from Disney reads the article I hope they don't take offense, or y'know, they understand my sadness and just let us make use of their older films.

Zap over to the CBC website and go to the 12:28 mark on Michael: Tuesdays & Thursdays - episode 109. There you will bear witness to the Canadian episodic television debut of the Mayfair Theatre in all of it's small screen glory for upwards of a minute and fourty-five seconds. The Mayfair has appeared in a couple of feature films and a number of shorts already, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time it's been in a TV show. If you are a Mayfair regular, I bet you might even yell "Lee!" and point at the screen during the scene. If not a Mayfair regular, doing so might be slightly less likely a thing to do.

For the third year running, Team Mayfair and the readers of the Ottawa X-Press have crowned the Mayfair as Best Alternative to a Multiplex Movie in the Best of Ottawa 2011 Poll.

I appreciate the Mayfair winning the category yet again. As I do every year though, I find it peculiar that a year end poll is voted upon with an early November deadline. I also wish that it just said 'Best Movie Theatre in Ottawa', something about the wording of that bothers me (as it did the last two years). I guess just because I think that the multiplex is such a horrible movie going experience more often than not. Bitching aside though, I am quite proud of the lil' accomplishment, and hope to be complaining about the wording of the category again in 2012.

I don't know about you, but whenever I see a single shoe on the sidewalk or in the middle of the road, my instant first assumption is that someone has been shoved into the back of a trunk, and in the ensuing kidnapping struggle the person's shoe has fallen off. My girlfriend, a more logical and smarter person than I, pointed out that when I see something like that, it's likely just a shoe from a change of shoes that has fallen out of someone's back-pack. I kid you not, I never even contemplated that in all the years of thinking that seeing a singular show in the middle of the road was the result of crime.

When discussed with one of my Mayfair brethren, he not only agreed with my kidnapping theory, we also then to the leap to the conclusion that a mysteriously left behind single shoe could be the result of alien abduction. My girlfriend still went with the boring and more real world lost object theory.

The reason that this discussion came up was that on a walk to the Mayfair last night, not only did we walk past a shoe on the sidewalk, we then walked by the much more bizarre abandoned baby stroller on a street corner. Not only an abandoned baby stroller by the way, it also had an empty wine bottle in it. And that's all of the story that I know. Will never know what the hell that stroller was doing there all alone on a street corner at nine o' clock at night. Though I will of course assume that the baby was kidnapped by drunk aliens.

He fought his first battle on the Scottish Highlands in 1536. He will fight his greatest battle on the streets of New York City in 1986. His name is Connor MacLeod. He is immortal.

Tonight (Mon - Nov - 7th) at 9:45pm the mini-series of Lost Marbles 80s Nights at the Mayfair wraps up with The Highlander. There were many a sequel and spin-off to the 1986 fantastical swordplay epic, but let's just all pretend this movie is a stand-alone story and we'll all be a bit better off in the long run. The film of course features not only Sean Connery again not bothering with attempting to put on an accent that would fit his character, it also has Queen music and is from the director of geek cult classics the likes of The Shadow and Resident Evil: Extinction. And although there isn't really much in the way of Highlander merchandise floating around, Lost Marbles still managed to cobble together a couple nifty prizes to give away.

The above sketch is titled - Batturtle will get there eventually. It is drawn by Jeff Matsuda, whom I remember from a Wolverine run written by Erik Larsen and the cartoon Jackie Chan Adventures. It has nothing to do with my Batturtle icon, but is interesting as a random something that has popped up on the internet, and then was e-mailed to me... as weird things on the interwebs have a tendency of doing. My Batturtle is a turtle / bat / pterodactyl hybrid kinda looking thing, this one here looks more like a turtle wearing a Bat costume. And not sure why he's yelling "Bruce Wayne!", kind of gives up the secret identity by doing so.

My third in an ongoing monthly interview series about goings on at the Mayfair has been posted on the (cult)ure magazine website. Amongst other cinematic topics this month we discuss Sir Sean Connery's lack of attempts to disguise his natural accent, the genius that is Andy Serkis portraying a chimp, that I bare no ill-will towards re-makes, and that I really like baseball movies despise hating the sport itself in real life. And we concur on the thought that Highlander is amazing. Which you should too. King Kong Lives is not amazing per-say (though does have a very nice poster)...but is a very enjoyable bad midnight movie. And will make you appreciate Rise of the Planet of the Apes even more.

The Mayfair is again nominated for 'Best Alternative to a Multiplex Movie Theatre'in the Best of Ottawa Readers Poll in the X-Press. I again appreciate the nomination, and again think the thing is worded improperly, since it makes it sound like multiplexes are a good place to go see a movie. As we all know, they are not. Anyhow, please tell all your friends and family and co-workers and enemies to go and vote for the Mayfair. Democracy!

Besides for it's Halloween theme, the TARDIS jack-o-lantern has nothing specific to do with this blog entry, I was just looking around for holiday appropriate images and thought that this one was kinda' awesome. Halloween is my favorite holiday thematically, but one that I really don't participate in in the dress-up sense. In the past few years I've gone out trick-or-treating with a couple of my lil' fake nieces, but this year they went and moved to Hawaii. So I don't even have the fake-uncle obligation of taking them door-to-door and carrying their candy bags for them anymore.

What I do like about this time of year is scary movies, It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror episodes, the Thriller music video, monster comics and candy. All of which I have taken part in today or will take part in. Though to be fair, I take part in all of those things fairly often on any given day of the year whether it be October 31st or not.

The Mayfair is showing a one two punch of The Rocky Horror Picture show of course, so I made a rare trip out to the multiplex that I've grown to be so displeased with each and every time I go to get my dose of horror. At least I used my Visa points, so they didn't get any cash out of me. We saw Paranormal Activity 3, and it did not disappoint. I have been truly impressed and terrified by this franchise three movies in a row. I hope they end it with the third entry though, I think the story has now been told in a nice lil' trilogy package. I have a feeling that Paramount will look at the $50 million dollar cash-haul of a weekend for a $5 million investment and get a fourth entry ready for Halloween 2012.

I am off to watch Halloween cartoons and mayhaps another movie. Happy Halloween one and all. Please do feel free to give me your leftover licorice and Maynards gummy candy.

Starting tonight the insanity that is the annual tradition of showing The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Mayfair during the Halloween season continues. You have a total of six chances to check it out on Friday, Saturday and finally on Halloween night itself. As an added bonus on top of the usual madness of throwing stuff and dressing up in bizarre costumes, the screenings are also accompanied by the Absent Friends Shadow Cast whom expertly preform a live rendition of the film in front of the film in progress. I think it would be kind of funny to do a non-participation screening and just sit and watch the actual movie. I seem to be in the grande minority in that thought though.

A few months back I worked on the installation of a traveling exhibit that was making a stop-over in Ottawa at the Museum of Nature (or as I have always called it, the Dinosaur Museum) called Extreme Mammals. I've been meaning to go and check it out as a museum-goer and not a thing-setter-upper before it left town. Plus, I am cheap, and Thursday's they do a free admission thing at the museum.

Amongst many bigger, scarier and more extreme mammals was the Platypus. Not so extreme by normal measures, except for that it's part beaver, part duck, and has poisonous claws. Poisonous claws that the males uses to subdue the females for mating purposes. Or, in layman's terms, the little bastards propagate the species thanks to making use of roofie techniques that might be used by any number of sleazy douche-bags in meat-market bars. Another fine example of the insanity that is the miracle of nature and animal ways.



There are plenty of non-shocking and offensive animals to observe as well. If in Ottawa, you have 'till November 6th to check it out before I go in to help pack it up and it rolls on to the next town.

Last night I got caught up in a naive attempt to try and do a good deed, and ended up being ripped off for twenty bucks. I didn't even realize that it happened, that I'd been evilly con-manned, until a good five or ten minutes after the thieving bastards plan had successfully come to fruition.

I was in the midst of a late night walking of the rat-dog with my girlfriend. A guy approached, who seemed very stressed out but polite and nice, and asked if he could borrow my phone because he had locked his keys in his car. I found myself handing over my phone to him, while chanting in the back of my thoughts "Don't steal my phone...don't steal my phone...". He did not steal my phone, thanked me for the use of it, and explained his trouble. He had not only locked himself out of his car and house, but his wallet was in his car, and hence he could not pay the tow-truck guy to help him to bust into his vehicle. Now, at this point, in retrospect, I have no idea why I fell for this. He really was delivering an Oscar caliber performance for the ages.

Next thing you know, I had not just handed over some cash but had gone to an ATM to get it first. I then accompanied my new friend to where his fictional car was parked. The locked out driver ran ahead to catch the tow-truck before it left. Alas, by the time we caught up with him, the non-existent tow-truck guy had left. My twenty dollars was taken, with the promise that it would be returned with a bonus momentarily (which I very Canadianly refused the thought of). We headed home, watched an episode of 'Arrested Development', and somewhere in the midst of doing so it donned on my that I had been tricked by a thief.

It's not the end of the world, twenty bucks lost into thin air does not destitute me. It did upset me quite a bit though, and couldn't help like being made feel like quite an idiot. Just another jaded evil happening that makes you think that it can be a really horrible planet filled with underhanded people more often than the opposite kinder type. This simple wrong-doing did make me feel a bit like going all Punisher vigilante justice onto the streets of Ottawa. But that seems like a lot of work, instead I will comfort my anger with Daily Shows and comic books.

Tonight at the Mayfair we present what is possibly the scariest and most acclaimed horror movie double bill of all time. Now, ask any movie buff what the two best horror films / scariest films ever made are and you will get varying answers of course. I continue to stand-by my opinion that movies are subjective and not objective. That in mind though, as a mathematical equation if you took into account the thoughts of all the critics and filmmakers and fans, the number one and two spot on the scary movie list would very likely belong to The Exorcist and The Shining. So if you are brave enough, please join us tonight (Oct 25) at the Mayfair at 7pm and 9:20pm for a pair of true Halloween tradition masterpieces.



As an afterthought, why is it that now-a-days the non-film-studio / made by talented film-fans movie posters seem to be always better than the real thing?

Killer63 has shown a number of Matt Fincer's Creepy Puppet Projects since the mini-fest began, and year in and year out they seem to garner the biggest laughs and applause from the crowd. If we were an actual festival that gave out awards, not to disrespect the other fine films, I'm fairly confidant that the Creepy Puppet Projects would continually win an audience favorite award. So, for your viewing pleasure, here is Matt's twisted contribution to last weekend's Killer63 screening, Happy Fuzzy Things.

Too tired to make much of a posting tonight. Another round of Killer63 went very well, lots of nice response and praise for the set, and a very decent crowd in attendance, especially considering it was scheduled in the late late slot. I always get nervous and stressed during a screening like this, but again all went ok, and was a nice event for the Mayfair, a nice showcase for some indie filmmakers, and a nice ego boost for me. Got home at about 2am from that, then had to get back up for a split-shift gig at 4am, which I'm just home from now. Set up lights and stuff for some kinda' fundraising event that will involve Joe Montana. Long day. Think at one point I actually fell asleep on my feet for a brief second (and I'm not even joking).

Anyhow, just wanted to post 'The Last One', the short that I worked on with three of my friends that we did for this years Killer63. I wrote it in about half an hour, we shot in about four hours, Jeremy worked his editing magic over his great cinematography skills, and here's what the final product came out like. And if you're curious as many seem to have been, no there is not a plan for a longer version of this. A stand alone short story is it. Hope you enjoy.

Images from Killer63 alum and Rideau Valley Roller Girl document-er Jeff Campbell's latest directorial effort 'Good Samaritan'. Tonight is the night for the sixth annual special Mayfair presentation of Killer63. It really falls under the time flies category for me, as it seems like just yesterday that a couple friends and I were casually chatting over the internet about organizing some kind of short horror fest for all of our friends to partake in. Now it's become an annual lil' Halloween event. An annual lil' event that always stresses me out for a few weeks then miraculously comes together at the last minute and everyone seems to enjoy.

So, a final reminder: Killer63 VI - Saturday October 22nd at 11:30pm at the Mayfair Theatre (1074 Bank Street in Ottawa). Fourteen new films from local filmmakers, a couple from Quebec, and even one from overseas. Last minute bonus news, we will have some give-aways thanks to our friends at Ottawa Horror.

A late in the day reminder that tonight (October 22nd) at 11:30pm, the Mayfair is screening Zombie (also known as Zombi, Zombi 2, and I think a few other titles. Italian movies are so confusing in that sense!). All you need to know about this horror masterpiece is that this is the movie where a zombie fights a shark. If that doesn't pique your interest, I don't know what will.

One of the short films screening tomorrow night at Killer63 VI is actually a music video from an Ottawa based band by the name of Zebrasseires. Check out Lone Fish, the song that inspired the video on their website, and then come out and see the video from the song on Saturday night (October 22nd at 11:30pm) at the Mayfair. And then the next time they play, go see them in concert. They are good. Listen to all the songs on the website...I'm not just being nice 'cause they're a part of Killer63.

Co-ownership of an indie movie theatre has it's privileges, one of them being that sometimes I get to watch movies slightly in advance of everyone else. Along with a couple members of the press, yesterday I got to watch an advance screening of 'Attack the Block'. I had high hopes for a new twist on the alien invasion genre from the producers and many of the crew behind 'Shaun of the Dead' and 'Hot Fuzz'. It did not disappoint.

Any time someone bitches and moans that there aren't any good movies anymore, that it's all sequels and prequels and remakes and reboots, I point to movies like 'Attack the Block'. Filmmakers aren't out of ideas, movie studios are still making great stuff...it's just that instead of finding something better to watch you (and likely not "you"...but you know what I mean) went to see 'Transformers 3' or 'Fast 5' or brought your kids to see 'The Smurfs'.

So, if you are in Ottawa, do yourself a favour, find some time in your hectic schedule, and get over to the Mayfair Theatre to see 'Attack the Block' sometime between October 21st and 23rd or 26th and 27th. If you don't live in Ottawa, track down this movie and watch elsewhere!

A screen-shot from the short film The Mask of James Henry, from Digger Films / directed by Steve Villeneuve. Steve and Digger Films are one of the returning alum to this years Killer63 line-up, amongst a mix of diverse offerings ranging in horror theme and sub-genre the likes of Creepy Puppets, zombies, apocalyptic tales, Twilight Zone fare, rock and roll, gore, comedy and more.

Below is the list of the films being screened (in no particular order), with a couple of late additions still to be announced:

KILLER63 year VI

Victor Perpetual – Ray Besharah

Employee of the Month – Olivier Beguin

She's Not Gone – Randy Smith

Lone Fish - Zebrasseires music video – Luca F

The Mask of James Henry – Steve Villeneuve

The House on Arch Lane – Alexander Steinhoff / Alexander De Lukowicz

Good Samaritan – Jeff Campbell

Six Minutes – Ralph Gethings

Profile of a Killer – Chris Chitaroni

Happy Fuzzy Things – Matt Fincer

Emily – James Campbell

Games Night – Fiona Noakes / Islam Balbaa

I've also finally posted a Facebook Events page, so now you can invite all of the people you know without the inconvenience of actual real-world interaction.

Released only a week apart from that other 1982 Spielberg movie, 'E.T. The Extra Terrestrial', was a much scarier view of a modern American suburban family, 'Poltergeist'. The film went on to become a box office smash, was nominated for three Academy Awards, spawned two sequels, and is on various top 100 lists from the likes of Bravo, the American Film Institute and others.

The film also got quite a bit of legit media and tabloid recognition thanks to two things revolving around the production. There has been quite a bit of superstitious talk of trouble on-set while the movie and it's sequels were being made. There were also a number of deaths amongst the cast, which can really for the most part be considered coincidental considering the number of people that work on any film. Sadly of course, one of these deaths include that of young actress Heather O'Rourke, the young blonde actress who uttered the films often repeated catch-phrase "They're Heeeeere!"

There has also been back and fourth controversy to this day as to who was actually the creative force and director of the project. Most reports seem to lean towards that is actually much more a Steven Spielberg film than a Tobe Hooper film. The poster for the film has 'A Steven Spielberg Production' listed right at the top of the credits, he wrote the story, and he was a producer on the film. On top of normal film production duties in that effect, he also did some if not all of the storyboards and a number of actors said he was more of a director on the project than Tobe Hooper was. Spielberg has been diplomatic over the years to his involvement on the project and to Hooper's deserved directorial credit. I'm suspicious though and lean towards believing the rumors and reports that Spielberg was in fact the director of at least most of 'Poltergeist'.

'Poltergeist' may have been the first horror film that I saw. It was a PG film back before the advent of a middle-ground rating in-between PG and R, so kids could get away with watching it without seeming to break any censorship rules. It's the perfect kids scary story, and if you see it at the right age it has a good chance to scar you for life. Any numbers of phobia could result as an after-effect to watching the film, including that of clowns or trees or television sets or suburbia in general even. Some cross-over effect of having seen 'Poltergeist', the extended 'Thriller' music video and 'Night of the Living Dead' at a young age are to blame or to thank for my love of the horror movie genre I'd say.

See 'Poltergeist', another great pre-Halloween screening tonight (Monday October 17th at 9:15pm) as part of Lost Marbles Geek Nights at the Mayfair. Answer a relatively easy bit of trivia and you even might win a prize!

Although the October installment of the 'This Month at the Mayfair' article came in a couple weeks late due to the poor interviewed being super ill and bed-ridden, it is at long last up on the (cult)ure magazine website for all to read. Went up on the site last night after we did a last minute interview to explore the second half of month, since some of the article was cut because the movies talked about had passed by on the schedule already. Upcoming programming at the theatre ranging from 'Winnie the Pooh' to 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' were all discussed.

Also for the piece we chatted about this-evenings Lost Marbles Geek Night presentation of 'Critters' (Friday October 14th at 11:15pm). The film is one of the rip-off / wannabe clones that came out on the heels and success of 'Gremlins'. Though it is a bit different since the monsters are from outer-space and they have intergalactic bounty hunters chasing them. The movie was directed by Stephen Herek, whose next film was 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and spawned three sequels (one of which was the first role for a young Leonardo DiCaprio).



A bit shockingly considering the movie was low-budget, B-grade, knock-off fare, Roger Ebert gave the film a positive review back in 1986. In surprising review situations such as this, I'm always reminded that Roger also liked the Tomb Raider movies. None-the-less, continue checking out our Halloween programming, and see if you like a movie about fuzz-ball alien eating machines terrorizing a small town as much as the most powerful film critic of all time did.