I can't believe it's already the end of 2011. Here's to a happy 2012 for one and all, and a big fingers crossed that it isn't actually the year that the end times hits us. I have a pretty good feeling that we'll all be fine, and our lil' planet will still be in one piece a year from now.

Boxes for all!

My couch is filled with a ridiculous amount of clean laundry, gifts and a couple of board games to put back up on the shelf. Boxing Day is approaching it's end. I'm back home and another Christmas has come and gone. Time flew by again, as it always does for one and all. Didn't get to watch the amount of Christmas programming that I had hoped, didn't get to read as many Christmas stories as I had planned, but I did eat 50 pounds of cashews and ten dozen macaroons and a whole bunch of dinosaur shaped gingerbread cookies. I'm kinda' tired, kinda' feel like I don't have to eat again for a couple weeks, and very happy to be back able to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Then I will wake up tomorrow and go in for a shift at the Mayfair. If you are still on your holidays, and possibly with a kid or two to entertain, you should come in too. We'll be showing the original Muppet movie (Tuesday December 27th at 1pm). And if you haven't experience Kermit singing Rainbow Connection up on the big screen, amongst other great movie moments in the film, well then you my friend are missing out. Then you can come back in a couple days and see the follow up, The Great Muppet Caper (Thursday December 29th at 1pm). Both an excellent lead in to the brand new Muppet film, which will be up on the Mayfair screen before you know it.

X-Mas!!

Remember that time Optimus Prime dressed up like Santa Claus and delivered toys to all the good little boys and girls? Good times, good times. Hope those of you who celebrate the putting of a tree in your living room and then sitting around it and opening boxes wrapped in brightly coloured paper to get gifts had a lovely morning. I was awoken by a rat terrier barreling down the stairs to where I slept on the floor on an air mattress and jumping me awake. She might as well have been screaming "It's Christmas!". Santa was good to me, got a giant stack of Christmas themed comics, a bunch of Blu Rays (Rocketeer, Three Amigos, Gremlins, Pee Wee on Broadway) and an insane amount of vegan approved candy. And, for the first time in forever, it's actually a snowy white Christmas outside. Take that Al Gore and your precious global warming conspiracies! If only I had gotten the life size Han in Carbonite, all my Christmas dreams would have come true. Maybe next year.

Happy Everything!!

The great human distress that was a week and a half without the interwebs is over. I know that there are greater hardships that a person can go through, but I don't think there are that many in this day and age. If I didn't have one of them there smart phones, I really would have been at a complete loss to maintain anything in the way of productive and sane member of society status. I have no idea how the world worked without the worldwide web. I lived in that world for more of my life than not, but I think I've blanked it out like someone who survived some terrible accident.

It's been a busy time of year, as I'm pretty sure it is for everyone, whether you lean towards Christmas celebrations or not. There have been many a Christmas party, social events, work and then the scrambling of trying to buy gifts and prepare for attempts at a couple days of not doing anything except receive gifts and eat food. Went to see a very kewl rendition of a pair of old The Shadow radio plays at the Gladstone Theatre, which was a nice combination of geeky, festive AND legitimate theatre!

Got an invite to attend a free hockey game. I don't follow the game at all anymore, haven't for a while, but I do enjoy free things. Plus, it was not only free but also in a corporate box, so I got to pretend to be rich for the evening. Pretend to be rich, but still not buy the $5 cans of Coke. While there, one of my friends classmates (it was a graduation thing) started moaning and complaining about the Sens wishing everyone a Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Whenever someone bitches about the war on Christmas, all I want to do is wish them a Happy Holidays. Or pretend that I'm Jewish and offended just to mess with them. Or remind them that they are being idiots and a wish of Happy Holidays is not meant as an insult, but as a nice thing to say to one and all no matter what religious belief, nationality, choice of holiday pass-time or whatever. If you have time to fool yourself that Christmas is being harmed by the onslaught of different holidays this time of year, you are a fool. Weigh the amount of Christmas movies, TV shows, albums, decorations vs say...Hanukkah or Kwanza or anything.

Secret Santa at the Mayfair this year got me a Gizmo action figure (last year I got an R2D2 thingy, the year before an Indiana Jones costumed Mister Potato Head). I had a couple different secret screenings at the Mayfair (I've said too much!). Been prepping for 2012 at the Mayfair, which is not only the year the world will come to an end according to some, but also the theatres big 80th anniversary. January kicks off with a visit from Crispin Glover, who will host two nights of eccentric film and other media. We'll also screen two of the most requested movies since Mayfair rebooted: Beetlejuice and Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and of course a screening of Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th.

Anyhow, for now I must return to Christmas prepping. Hope everyone has a Happy everything.

Don't forget the three rules...

A couple years ago my brother and I, along with his girlfriend of the time, were spending our Christmas Eve gorging ourselves on food and watching a Christmas classic film at my mums house. The Christmas classic was Gremlins. My brothers now ex-girlfriend wasn't a giant movie buff, and hence wasn't familiar with the movie. When we said we were going to watch a Christmas movie, she had something in mind more along the line of something like Miracle on 34th Street or It's A Wonderful Life. She did not expect a film in which a mother defends her home against mischievous little bipedal reptilian monsters with weapons of knives and a microwave. She got quite upset with us in our definition of what a Christmas film is.

Gremlins takes place at Christmas time. The Hollywood back-lot town where the film is located is covered in a blanket of wonderfully fake movie-magic snow. There's Christmas trees and Christmas carols and we all learn a valuable Christmas lesson. It's as much of a Christmas film as A Nightmare Before Christmas, Christmas Vacation, White Christmas or any numerous versions of A Christmas Carol. I daresay it is the favorite Christmas film of many a people. It's certainly right near the top of the list of requested films from Mayfair patrons over the last few years.

Gremlins was executive produced by Steven Spielberg, written by Chris Columbus (who went on to write The Goonies and Young Sherlock Holmes for Spielberg, and direct a couple of Home Alone & Harry Potter movies), directed by Joe Dante (The Howling, The 'burbs, Matinee) and features an amazing score and an unforgettable theme song from the late great Jerry Goldsmith (L.A. Confidential, Poltergeist, Chinatown, a ton of Star Trek stuff).

And, have you ever wanted to have your very own Mogwai as a pet? Well, tonight you have two chances to win one of the fluffy little creatures thanks to our friends from Lost Marbles. If you win one though, please do remember the three rules: Keep it out of the light, don't get it wet, and no food after midnight. Very important.

Lost Marbles presents GREMLINS at the Mayfair Theatre - Monday December 12th at 8:30pm

Mayfair Best of Christmas Worst

At #78 on the IMDb worst movies of all time list sits a little holiday gem titled Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. There are tens of thousands of movies made in the past century and a bit, and a mere 77 places away from what has been deemed the worst film ever made by humans sits a movie about Santa being kidnapped my Martians so their lil' alien children can get gifts too. If that's not accolade enough for a motion picture, it also can take pride in being a film roasted by the award winning, bad movie watching geniuses at Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Some twenty years ago in the far off time of 1991, Joel and his robot friends Crow and Tom Servo were forced by their mad scientist tormentors to endure this most stunningly awful of holiday treats. Amongst other bits of hilarity, the episode gains legendary status amongst fans for containing Crow's heartfelt musical rendition of "A Patrick Swayze Christmas".

Some people don't have an appreciation of bad movies. They don't spend their free time watching films about the Sharktopus or non-sequels to Troll or anything starring Nicolas Cage from the past ten or fifteen years or so. Those people are sane and wise and we can learn from them. Film fans like myself actually go out of our way waste our precious limited time on this earth to watch bad movies of our own knowing free will. Not quite sure why we do such foolish things, but I cannot lie about how much I do enjoy a good bad movie.

Hence, despite it being terrible, I encourage you to get out to the Mayfair for a truly great awful movie experience. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians tonight (Friday December 9th at 11:30pm) and returns for a slightly earlier encore screening on Sunday (December 11th at 9:30pm).

Mayfair Christmas-ing Begins

Two posts in a row with a Christmas Carol theme.

The festive Mayfair season kicks off with Scrooged, a modern retelling of the greatest yuletide tale of all, A Christmas Carol. A 1980's version of the Charles Dickens literary masterpiece starring Bill Murray in the central role of a man who loses his soul amongst the greed and power of success. As in every version of the story ever re-imagined, the scrooge of a character is visited by ghosts of the past, present and future as the spirits attempt to teach him a valuable lesson about not being a jerk to everybody all the time.

The film features the talents of Richard Donner (the director of Superman, Goonies and Lethal Weapon), Michael Chapman (cinematographer of Taxi Driver, Raging Bull AND Space Jam!) and the musical score styling of frequent Tim Burton collaborator Danny Elfman.

As with many of the X-Mas-y themed movies we're showing in December, my harsh criticism of you if you don't like it is that you are dead inside. This thought does of course go against my view that movies are a subjective and not objective. It's a little course on my part mayhaps, but if Scrooged doesn't fill the most bah-humbug of human being with wonderful joy filled holiday feelings, there might be something wrong with you.

See Scrooged tonight (Monday December 5th at 9:30pm) at the Mayfair, and if you miss that you have a matinee second chance (Sunday December 11th at 1pm).

More (cult)ure magazine & the Mayfair

Happy December! I blinked and realized that it's been over a couple weeks since my last posting here. I totally dropped the ball on writing about the last RVRG roller derby bout, various Mayfair things, my latest horribly painful round of tattooing, and that I finally finished reading all the premier issues of DC Comics New 52 (Favorite: Action Comics - Worst: Hawk & Dove). I'm also working on some new comic book writings and contemplating what to do for the 2012 Painted Lips & Lolly Licks short film festival.


Well, a new month brings a new interview from (cult)ure magazine movie nerd April Yorke with myself, the resident Mayfair Theatre geek-in-chief.


This month we talk about the various awesome Christmas themed films we'll be screening, ranging from family favorites like Elf, 80's classics like Die Hard and Gremlins, and cult horror classics like Silent Night Deadly Night. I also may have been somewhat quoted as calling Disney monsters. I don't actually think that they're monsters of course, especially since PIXAR took the reigns and started fixing everything there. I'm just continually upset that they don't let their older films out of those pesky Disney vaults for repertory cinemas to play. Michael Caine is my favorite actor, Christmas Carol my favorite story, and watching the Muppet Show is perhaps my earliest memory. Hence, I'm a little upset that we can't show Muppet Christmas Carol. On the off chance that anyone from Disney reads the article I hope they don't take offense, or y'know, they understand my sadness and just let us make use of their older films.

Zap over to the CBC website and go to the 12:28 mark on Michael: Tuesdays & Thursdays - episode 109. There you will bear witness to the Canadian episodic television debut of the Mayfair Theatre in all of it's small screen glory for upwards of a minute and fourty-five seconds. The Mayfair has appeared in a couple of feature films and a number of shorts already, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time it's been in a TV show. If you are a Mayfair regular, I bet you might even yell "Lee!" and point at the screen during the scene. If not a Mayfair regular, doing so might be slightly less likely a thing to do.

For the third year running, Team Mayfair and the readers of the Ottawa X-Press have crowned the Mayfair as Best Alternative to a Multiplex Movie in the Best of Ottawa 2011 Poll.

I appreciate the Mayfair winning the category yet again. As I do every year though, I find it peculiar that a year end poll is voted upon with an early November deadline. I also wish that it just said 'Best Movie Theatre in Ottawa', something about the wording of that bothers me (as it did the last two years). I guess just because I think that the multiplex is such a horrible movie going experience more often than not. Bitching aside though, I am quite proud of the lil' accomplishment, and hope to be complaining about the wording of the category again in 2012.

I don't know about you, but whenever I see a single shoe on the sidewalk or in the middle of the road, my instant first assumption is that someone has been shoved into the back of a trunk, and in the ensuing kidnapping struggle the person's shoe has fallen off. My girlfriend, a more logical and smarter person than I, pointed out that when I see something like that, it's likely just a shoe from a change of shoes that has fallen out of someone's back-pack. I kid you not, I never even contemplated that in all the years of thinking that seeing a singular show in the middle of the road was the result of crime.

When discussed with one of my Mayfair brethren, he not only agreed with my kidnapping theory, we also then to the leap to the conclusion that a mysteriously left behind single shoe could be the result of alien abduction. My girlfriend still went with the boring and more real world lost object theory.

The reason that this discussion came up was that on a walk to the Mayfair last night, not only did we walk past a shoe on the sidewalk, we then walked by the much more bizarre abandoned baby stroller on a street corner. Not only an abandoned baby stroller by the way, it also had an empty wine bottle in it. And that's all of the story that I know. Will never know what the hell that stroller was doing there all alone on a street corner at nine o' clock at night. Though I will of course assume that the baby was kidnapped by drunk aliens.

He fought his first battle on the Scottish Highlands in 1536. He will fight his greatest battle on the streets of New York City in 1986. His name is Connor MacLeod. He is immortal.

Tonight (Mon - Nov - 7th) at 9:45pm the mini-series of Lost Marbles 80s Nights at the Mayfair wraps up with The Highlander. There were many a sequel and spin-off to the 1986 fantastical swordplay epic, but let's just all pretend this movie is a stand-alone story and we'll all be a bit better off in the long run. The film of course features not only Sean Connery again not bothering with attempting to put on an accent that would fit his character, it also has Queen music and is from the director of geek cult classics the likes of The Shadow and Resident Evil: Extinction. And although there isn't really much in the way of Highlander merchandise floating around, Lost Marbles still managed to cobble together a couple nifty prizes to give away.

The above sketch is titled - Batturtle will get there eventually. It is drawn by Jeff Matsuda, whom I remember from a Wolverine run written by Erik Larsen and the cartoon Jackie Chan Adventures. It has nothing to do with my Batturtle icon, but is interesting as a random something that has popped up on the internet, and then was e-mailed to me... as weird things on the interwebs have a tendency of doing. My Batturtle is a turtle / bat / pterodactyl hybrid kinda looking thing, this one here looks more like a turtle wearing a Bat costume. And not sure why he's yelling "Bruce Wayne!", kind of gives up the secret identity by doing so.

My third in an ongoing monthly interview series about goings on at the Mayfair has been posted on the (cult)ure magazine website. Amongst other cinematic topics this month we discuss Sir Sean Connery's lack of attempts to disguise his natural accent, the genius that is Andy Serkis portraying a chimp, that I bare no ill-will towards re-makes, and that I really like baseball movies despise hating the sport itself in real life. And we concur on the thought that Highlander is amazing. Which you should too. King Kong Lives is not amazing per-say (though does have a very nice poster)...but is a very enjoyable bad midnight movie. And will make you appreciate Rise of the Planet of the Apes even more.

The Mayfair is again nominated for 'Best Alternative to a Multiplex Movie Theatre'in the Best of Ottawa Readers Poll in the X-Press. I again appreciate the nomination, and again think the thing is worded improperly, since it makes it sound like multiplexes are a good place to go see a movie. As we all know, they are not. Anyhow, please tell all your friends and family and co-workers and enemies to go and vote for the Mayfair. Democracy!

Besides for it's Halloween theme, the TARDIS jack-o-lantern has nothing specific to do with this blog entry, I was just looking around for holiday appropriate images and thought that this one was kinda' awesome. Halloween is my favorite holiday thematically, but one that I really don't participate in in the dress-up sense. In the past few years I've gone out trick-or-treating with a couple of my lil' fake nieces, but this year they went and moved to Hawaii. So I don't even have the fake-uncle obligation of taking them door-to-door and carrying their candy bags for them anymore.

What I do like about this time of year is scary movies, It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror episodes, the Thriller music video, monster comics and candy. All of which I have taken part in today or will take part in. Though to be fair, I take part in all of those things fairly often on any given day of the year whether it be October 31st or not.

The Mayfair is showing a one two punch of The Rocky Horror Picture show of course, so I made a rare trip out to the multiplex that I've grown to be so displeased with each and every time I go to get my dose of horror. At least I used my Visa points, so they didn't get any cash out of me. We saw Paranormal Activity 3, and it did not disappoint. I have been truly impressed and terrified by this franchise three movies in a row. I hope they end it with the third entry though, I think the story has now been told in a nice lil' trilogy package. I have a feeling that Paramount will look at the $50 million dollar cash-haul of a weekend for a $5 million investment and get a fourth entry ready for Halloween 2012.

I am off to watch Halloween cartoons and mayhaps another movie. Happy Halloween one and all. Please do feel free to give me your leftover licorice and Maynards gummy candy.

Starting tonight the insanity that is the annual tradition of showing The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Mayfair during the Halloween season continues. You have a total of six chances to check it out on Friday, Saturday and finally on Halloween night itself. As an added bonus on top of the usual madness of throwing stuff and dressing up in bizarre costumes, the screenings are also accompanied by the Absent Friends Shadow Cast whom expertly preform a live rendition of the film in front of the film in progress. I think it would be kind of funny to do a non-participation screening and just sit and watch the actual movie. I seem to be in the grande minority in that thought though.

A few months back I worked on the installation of a traveling exhibit that was making a stop-over in Ottawa at the Museum of Nature (or as I have always called it, the Dinosaur Museum) called Extreme Mammals. I've been meaning to go and check it out as a museum-goer and not a thing-setter-upper before it left town. Plus, I am cheap, and Thursday's they do a free admission thing at the museum.

Amongst many bigger, scarier and more extreme mammals was the Platypus. Not so extreme by normal measures, except for that it's part beaver, part duck, and has poisonous claws. Poisonous claws that the males uses to subdue the females for mating purposes. Or, in layman's terms, the little bastards propagate the species thanks to making use of roofie techniques that might be used by any number of sleazy douche-bags in meat-market bars. Another fine example of the insanity that is the miracle of nature and animal ways.



There are plenty of non-shocking and offensive animals to observe as well. If in Ottawa, you have 'till November 6th to check it out before I go in to help pack it up and it rolls on to the next town.

Last night I got caught up in a naive attempt to try and do a good deed, and ended up being ripped off for twenty bucks. I didn't even realize that it happened, that I'd been evilly con-manned, until a good five or ten minutes after the thieving bastards plan had successfully come to fruition.

I was in the midst of a late night walking of the rat-dog with my girlfriend. A guy approached, who seemed very stressed out but polite and nice, and asked if he could borrow my phone because he had locked his keys in his car. I found myself handing over my phone to him, while chanting in the back of my thoughts "Don't steal my phone...don't steal my phone...". He did not steal my phone, thanked me for the use of it, and explained his trouble. He had not only locked himself out of his car and house, but his wallet was in his car, and hence he could not pay the tow-truck guy to help him to bust into his vehicle. Now, at this point, in retrospect, I have no idea why I fell for this. He really was delivering an Oscar caliber performance for the ages.

Next thing you know, I had not just handed over some cash but had gone to an ATM to get it first. I then accompanied my new friend to where his fictional car was parked. The locked out driver ran ahead to catch the tow-truck before it left. Alas, by the time we caught up with him, the non-existent tow-truck guy had left. My twenty dollars was taken, with the promise that it would be returned with a bonus momentarily (which I very Canadianly refused the thought of). We headed home, watched an episode of 'Arrested Development', and somewhere in the midst of doing so it donned on my that I had been tricked by a thief.

It's not the end of the world, twenty bucks lost into thin air does not destitute me. It did upset me quite a bit though, and couldn't help like being made feel like quite an idiot. Just another jaded evil happening that makes you think that it can be a really horrible planet filled with underhanded people more often than the opposite kinder type. This simple wrong-doing did make me feel a bit like going all Punisher vigilante justice onto the streets of Ottawa. But that seems like a lot of work, instead I will comfort my anger with Daily Shows and comic books.

Tonight at the Mayfair we present what is possibly the scariest and most acclaimed horror movie double bill of all time. Now, ask any movie buff what the two best horror films / scariest films ever made are and you will get varying answers of course. I continue to stand-by my opinion that movies are subjective and not objective. That in mind though, as a mathematical equation if you took into account the thoughts of all the critics and filmmakers and fans, the number one and two spot on the scary movie list would very likely belong to The Exorcist and The Shining. So if you are brave enough, please join us tonight (Oct 25) at the Mayfair at 7pm and 9:20pm for a pair of true Halloween tradition masterpieces.



As an afterthought, why is it that now-a-days the non-film-studio / made by talented film-fans movie posters seem to be always better than the real thing?